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Overvalue children, beneficial or dangerous?

Overvalue children, beneficial or dangerous?

These days we have been surprised by the case Rudolph "Blaze" Ingram, a 7-year-old boy who not only compares with the winner of countless Usain Bolt speed records, but already even speaks that could jeopardize his sporting reign. A small child with more than 400,000 followers in Instagram and that he no longer hesitates to be portrayed in the networks, showing off his portentous abdominal, in addition to his finger in a gesture indicating that “he is number one”.

Content

  • 1 Children, a reflection of their parents' dreams
  • 2 My son is the best
  • 3 The danger of developing a narcissistic personality disorder
  • 4 Grow with a narcissistic personality

The children, a reflection of their parents' dreams

Is a 7 year old boy prepared for fame? Obviously not. If it is difficult for an adult to manage fame, being famous at any age, with seven years is extremely dangerous to acquire in his mind the idea of ​​"I am the best".

There is undoubtedly an important point in which some parents encourage their child to practice any extra activity within their integral education and, another very different one, in which We seek through our children to achieve unfulfilled dreams for us, frustrations or in some cases, an economic benefit and fame.

Is the same interest in parents getting a 7-year-old child to become a great sports champion who does not fail in their studies? Surely not, for the vast majority of these children with such an early reputation , they are still the future broken toys involved in all kinds of psychological disorders and / or addictions lacking in values ​​and proper maturation in your cognitive training.

My son is the best

There are very few parents who do not think of their child who is “the most handsome”, “the most intelligent”, “the one who best dominates the language”, “the one who best play a certain sport ”, if we subtract that children who will never be“ photographic models ”, those who will never“ be singers ”, those who will never be“ actresses or actors ”, those who will never be“ concertists ”, despite providing them a childhood of hard training thinking that what was a "rare jewel", in the end, it was still a normal girl.

An article titled Threatened egotism, narcissism, self-esteem, and direct and displaced aggression: does self-love or self-hate lead to violence? ” from the University of Iowa School of Psychology, concludes that parents in their education model, think that overestimating their children is a way to raise their self-esteem, although the risk that is run with it is to produce a rise in narcissism levels if we exceed correct levels.

The danger of developing a narcissistic personality disorder

The idea of ​​many parents to be before children “more special” than the rest, would bring them closer to the narcissistic personality disorder in which the problems of frustration, lack of self-confidence problems of self-esteem They are the general tonic. Children raised in an environment of self-esteem and normality in comparisons with other children, showed a better idea of ​​themselves and self-confidence. Children with high self-esteem think they are as good as others, while Narcissists will always have an image of superiority over others that leads directly to suffering and permanent questioning with high degrees of dissatisfaction.

It is true that the child's own genetics and temperamental traits can lead us to a narcissistic personality, but if the education and the treatment received by the parents reinforces that tendency, we will be reinforcing them for a self-image based on the idea of ​​“I am superior to the rest” which can alter your child's psychological development and maturation.

Grow with a narcissistic personality

A titled study is shown on the same line “Origins of narcissism in children” from Princeton University, which shows us a clear idea: The type of education based on the parents' idea that their children are better than other children, harms them by increasing the risk of turning them into narcissists by lowering their self-esteem. This study concludes that what parents should do to boost children's self-esteem is to make them feel loved and not instill ideas of superiority over others.

Growing them in self-esteem implies on the part of parents increasing their confidence in themselves. It is essential to educate them on the possibility of error or failure, giving them enough confidence and esteem so that they are able to overcome and try again.

While a narcissistic child will never contemplate error as a possible option, the child with high self-esteem, will understand it as another element of life, which can provide us with a teaching that makes him understand that it is not the end of anything, but the beginning of a new path.

In the same way, criticism is usually the touchstone for narcissistic personalities. It is in the mirror of the parents, where the children see how they are able to fit the criticisms doing it constructively or with violence. To close to options other than your own is to close to changes, getting children used to cognitive closure instead of reflexive openness where we may not be perfect or superior to the rest.

The study entitled Reply to Kealy et al .: Theoretical precision in the study of narcissism and its origins ” by stating that Narcissism, predicts significant imbalances, ranging from aggression, violence and crime, to anxiety, depression and addictions. The subclinical narcissism that could begin in childhood, could become a narcissistic personality disorder, with a generalized pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration and lack of empathy.

Conclusions

The education provided by parents has a direct impact on the process of socialization of children. Overvaluation of parents with respect to children predicts narcissism, while heat, love and support will predict high self-esteem. Narcissism implies unhealthy feelings of superiority, while an education in values ​​will allow us not to meet tomorrow with a “broken toy” that is triumphant, surely as a celebrity, but failed as a human being.

References

Bushman, B. and Baumeister, R. (1998). Threatened egotism, narcissism, self-esteem, and direct and displaced aggression: Does self-love or self-hate lead to violence ?. Journal of Personality and social Psychology. 75 (1):219-229.

Brummelman, E., Thomaes, S., Nelemans, S., Orobio de Castro, B., Overbeek, G. and Bushman, B. (2015). Origins of narcissism in children. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the United States of America. 112 (12): 3659-62.

Brummelman, E., Sander, T., Stefanie, N., Orobio de Castro, B., Geertjan, O. and Bushman, B. (2015). Reply to Kealy et al .: Theoretical precision in the study of narcissism and its origins. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the United States of America. 112 (23).