Self-esteem, six pillars to improve it

Self-esteem, six pillars to improve it

Self-esteem is the backbone of human behavior. The health of the mind. What we think of ourselves. How do we perceive. How good or low self-esteem originates. Parents or guardians place the cornerstone, contribute to our having good or bad self-esteem. Freud would say that "mom is guilty" of low self-esteem. Being she who in general has more contact with the children, it is her greatest influence.

The primary purpose of parenting is to prepare the child to be independent. If it is achieved, the young person will move from the child and adolescent dependency to that of an adult who respects himself, is responsible for himself and responds to the challenges of life. The young man will be self-sufficient economically and psycho-emotionally.

Self-esteem must be given its importance. Thus we will discover what self-esteem we have. Of the opinions we emit in life, the most important is what we express about ourselves. It is inevitable that we have the right concept of ourselves.

Here we will explain something highlighted and commented on the work The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, by Nathaniel Branden.

The six pillars to improve your self-esteem

1. Self-knowledge

It implies awareness of my actions, words, purposes, values, goals. If I don't know what virtues I have, what temperamental weaknesses and character defects overwhelm me, I will not know how to resolve conflicts. Nor will I know why I act and feel like I do. What should I improve or overcome and what should I cultivate to exploit. I will walk blindly. Few people know themselves. But they pretend to meet their children or their consort.

2. Self acceptance

After observing and living consciously, I must accept me as I am. Healthy self-esteem is impossible without acceptance. If I refuse, how do I intend others to accept me? If I hate myself, how do I hope they love me? Others may do it, but I will live sabotaging myself for not believing to be worthy of the best that life can offer me and that they love me. Self-sabotage is common in sentimental relationships. Self-knowledge is experienced; Self-acceptance is something we do.

Many reject themselves at a pathological level so they cannot grow or mature until they begin to accept and love themselves. It is not about narcissism that sees the neighbor over the shoulder, but a healthy narcissism that allows me to accept and love myself to live in peace with me and my fellow men. It is therapy to say in front of a full-length mirror: "Today I decide to value myself, treat myself with respect, love me and accept myself as I am, defend my right to exist." I must reconcile with myself.

Watch out! Self-acceptance is not approving everything we are or do. Nor is it refusing to seek help from a pious shepherd of souls and / or an emotional professional. Many angry people say: "I am like that." Accepting what I am is a prerequisite for change. Denying what I am or do aggravates the problem, it hurts and harms others. If I can't alone, I should seek help.

3. Self-responsibility

Is to be responsible for my actions and words and to achieve my goals. I take the reins of my life and well-being. I am responsible for my dreams to crystallize. I am responsible for my decisions and actions. I am responsible for me, for my happiness. So why do I hold others responsible for my unhappiness? Why do I hope they make me happy? If I don't learn to be happy alone, will I be happy accompanied? Do not! If I am not willing to accept responsibility for the achievement of my dreams, then they are not dreams, they are chimeras.

Eye, I am responsible for aspects of my life, but I am not responsible for everything that happens to me. I have control over some things. About others, no. My self-esteem is in danger if I blame myself for what is beyond my control. The serenity prayer expresses: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change. Courage to change those that I can, and wisdom to recognize the difference. ”

4. Self-affirmation

It is the disposition of fend for myself, be who I am openly, treat me with respect in all human relationships without masks to please others. Self-affirmation is not being aggressive or overcoming the rights of others. Driving drunk or drugged is not self-assertion, it is folly. Speaking or writing without measuring words and tones is irresponsibility and even manipulation. A therapy to self-affirm should affirm - without hesitation and without shouting - in front of the mirror and as many times as necessary: ​​"I have the right to exist."

5. Self-purpose

It means be right or purpose to live. Use talents to achieve the goals we have set. If we link our self-esteem to having a good performance in a great company, we have placed our value as a person in the hands of the owners of the company. We stand for who we are as people, not for wealth, social position, titles. If our worth is contingent upon what we have or have achieved, we will fall into emotional bankruptcy if we lose it.

6. Self-integrity

Consists of the integration of ideals, convictions, beliefs and norms on the one hand, and behavior on the other. By behaving in such a way that our judgment about the right thing collides with our convictions, beliefs, morals or ethics, we fall into inconsistencies. We are dishonest intellectuals. We will respect each other less. Self-integrity means coherence between my words and my actions. May my works not make such a noise that they prevent my words from being heard. We trust congruence, and we are more suspicious of incongruity. The words convince, but the examples drag.

Without healthy self-esteem I will be like the leaf that drags the wind or burns the fire. I will not be an individual (indivisible) but a human divided by conflict. I will not be action but reaction. I will be effect, not cause.

The author is a journalist
J. Enrique Cáceres-Arrieta

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